Overcoming dating fears

13-Dec-2019 03:06 by 10 Comments

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I went to eight different schools in five years, rejection upon rejection.I can so clearly remember playing on my own, always the new girl, always craving acceptance!

Almost every one of us can relate to at least a couple of the ways we defend ourselves, self-protect and self-sabotage when it comes to love. The first step to not acting on our fears is to recognize that we have them.Many of us feel cheated or victimized by circumstance, while failing to see that our biggest obstacle is how we get in our own way.Whether it’s a worry of stirring up a past hurt or a re-creation of our childhood that’s at play, it will benefit us to gain a deeper understanding of our less conscious motivations that damage our closest relationships.I recently wrote a blog titled “7 Reasons Most People are Afraid of Love.” Within hours, the post had tens of thousands of reads and thousands of social media shares – numbers that would double and triple over the next couple days.At first, I was surprised at this response, but then I thought about the prevalence of the subject matter.That’s why something that sends shivers of fear down your spine can be a thrilling and enjoyable experience for the next person.

But you have the power to control your fears, not the other way around. The first step to overcoming your fears is acknowledging them and recognising that they can only have power over you if you let them.If life were one big bumper car game, and we were all afraid of getting hurt, we would be a little more gentle with each other, wouldn’t we be? But unless you have very, very strong convictions to be single for the rest of your life (hey there, my nuns sisters! We’ve all received the memo, and we are all okay with it. If you are afraid to enter a relationship because you don’t think you have time, there is a much bigger problem, here, and it has nothing to do with relationships. Are they leading to actual, legitimate reasons for concern? (I wish someone would have pounded this into my brain years ago.) If you really want to be in that relationship, you will make it work because you won’t see any other option.So let’s just all agree to be more honest with each other about our feelings, and more kind to one another in our relationships, and hope that some asshole doesn’t break the rules and ram us from out of nowhere, sending us to the chiropractor. You are hiding behind your work/hobby/Law & Order obsession! If your job is standing in the way of the possibility of you feeling happy and fulfilled in a relationship and in love, what else will it stand in the way of? Say the girl you have been seeing always wears culottes. And it drives you crazy and makes you uncomfortable and makes you think “ehh I don’t… Long distance relationships are a shit-ton of work.The fear of intimacy isn’t a problem without a solution, but finding a solution means identifying that there is a problem.Having this problem may seem hard to relate to at first, since most of us claim that we want love in our lives."Kelly was convinced that these early "outsider" experiences were at the root of her current problems: "I'm always looking for signs that my partner is about to reject me! I'm always seeking reassurance, always wondering what he really means."Seeking reassurance from other people is a dead end.

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